Fertility junky

So after 2 cycles on Letrozole, the last one being pretty unpredictable, my fertility specialist decided to go straight to the good shit. She gave me a box of syringes & a sharps disposal box and left me to my own devices. I might as well be a junky the amount of times I’m jabbing myself right now.

Sitting in my OBGYN’s office earlier this year after finding out I had PCOS, trepidatious to say the least, she went through the many options I had ahead of me. I think she was trying to make me feel better about the fact she’d just told me it was unlikely I’d fall pregnant without help. She brushed over the injectables, saying ‘you probably won’t need to go that far’. I never thought I’d go that far. I was scared to go that far. But here I am. 

At first it was a bit rocky, I almost fainted the first 2 days and had to lie on the bathroom floor for a few minutes. Granted, one of these days I was especially hungover after a wedding, so I can’t tell if my floor whoring (great phrase BTW) was from the injects or the alcohol. My bad. By day 3 I was nailing it. I ice the injection site so I can’t feel the needle going in, its not painful and I don’t have any bruises or side-effects (yet!). The fainting thing is just me by the way – I feel faint when I walk into a hospital, or look at any form of blood, I’m just a weirdo and can’t handle anything medical-smelling or looking. Don’t judge me!

So this is my new normal. I’ll probably be injecting myself for half the month until after Christmas because I’m trying not to believe the first cycle will work. Can you tell my coping mechanism is to keep my expectations really low so that I never get disappointed?? If anything, this treatment makes me feel incredibly lucky. Lucky that I’m not diabetic and injecting myself for my whole life. 

The injections have worked though, and I have one beautiful follicle, which is exactly what we’re after (yay for no twins!).

I’m also turning 34 next month. I thought it would be a huge deal, and that it was considered ‘old’ in terms of fertility. But I realised this morning that I was the youngest person in the clinic, and that 34 really isn’t over the hill. So I’m hopeful!

Ideally, my next post will be ‘yay! I’m pregnant!’. But if its just ‘yay! The injections work!’ I’ll take it. You learn to just go step-by-step and try not to plan too far ahead or get too excited too soon. 

Cross your fingers for me peeps!

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5 thoughts on “Fertility junky

  1. I have everything crossed for you! I so hope it works first time and your next post is “YAY, I’m pregnant!”.

    My boyfriend actually is diabetic! I felt so bad for moaning about the injections, but of course he is used to it after giving himself multiple injections for YEARS and it’s second nature to him. I had to psych myself up before every single injection. I will be starting again next year and I’m already dreading it. My doctor’s test for whether I’m emotionally ready to try again was to go through the whole procedure in my mind and imagine the beta test being negative, and right now honestly I find the idea of giving myself all those injections worse than it not working first time again.

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    1. I guess its all relative, you get used to the new normal (in your boyfriend’s case)! We just adapt and get on with it! If the injections are the worst thing about starting again, then you’re probably doing ok emotionally! That’s a great test your doc has done, definitely a good way to see if you’re ready!

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