Silver linings

This morning it took 3 attempts to draw blood for the start of my monitoring. After failing, they told me to come back at lunchtime. I must have had 50 something blood tests this year, and I still suck at it. I have tiny veins and as soon as the phlebotomist has trouble finding it I get fainty and all my blood rushes to my internal organs. This happens about 6 times a month. It never gets easier and it is the single most frustrating part of getting fertility treatment (dildo cam come at me!). But it is what it is, and I will keep doing it until I get this damn baby so help me God!

I told my nurse at lunchtime that its actually a good thing in a way, because the blood tests make injecting myself daily with drugs seem easy in comparison. (I’ve recently started injectable FSH, more on that later). She said to me, ‘Um, yeah, I guess. It’s good that you can find the positive in this! You really are the most positive patient we have at this clinic!’ And laughed. And then I realised something. I am really positive. I’m a glass-half-full kind of person, and although I have my moments, in general I think I’m coping pretty well. It probably doesn’t come across in this blog as its kind of my outlet, but anyone who knows me knows that I can always see the light in any dark tunnel. I often don’t like to throw this affirmation around, because I know many people struggle to stay positive when shit things happen, and I completely understand, I still get to some dark places. Also no one likes a peppy bitch singing ‘Always look on the bright side of life’ and whistling as she stops to smell a rose and pat a puppy (I do this on the regular). But I think I need to be more proud that my best asset is my ability to adapt quickly to whatever challenge is thrown my way, and try to see the silver linings. I realise how lucky I am that I’ve even been able to fall pregnant in the first place. That I’ve managed to find a partner who I love and adore and want to have children with. That I’m (mostly) healthy, have a great family, a few amazing friends & live a privileged life in a beautiful city. I wish I could bottle this shit up and spread it around, spray it like Fabreeze, because it really is so handy to have optimism when shit hits the fan. I wish I could give it to the people I love most who’ve had to deal with cancer, loss, anxiety & depression, so much more than I’ve ever had to go through. I only hope that some of my disposition has rubbed off, or helped them in some way.

So to anyone who’s going through this, or any other challenge in life, I hope you can find your silver lining. There really is one on every cloud.

8 thoughts on “Silver linings

  1. You SO are the sunshine through the rain, Clarence! But I’ll take some of that Febreeze shit please! Oh yeah! And also, LOL at the dildo cam coming at you! Oh dear! I’m going to have nightmares about beady eyed dildo cams stalking people in the night!

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  2. I spent over four hours at the hospital last month because 3 people failed to take my blood. Finally a fourth nurse came and managed it. At the fertility clinic there’s one nurse who can never do it – every single time she tries both arms then fetches a colleague who does it first time. I’m resigned to it at this point.

    My silver lining is that IUI worked do well last time. Even if it doesn’t work first time again I theoretically can get pregnant that way and we still have two tries left.

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    1. You’re the first person I’ve heard of who has a similar problem. I’ve learnt to tell which nurses are better and ask for them. But its always awkward when you get a bad one.. And that’s great that your IUI worked – the way I see it, if it worked once before, it can work again right? Good luck!

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