This is Kanye. Kanye makes outlandish statements. Don’t be like Kanye.
We all make them. Mostly in our youth, the older we get, the more we realise that things change. We learn & grow and with new information comes new perspectives. Some of the more outlandish statements I’ve made in my teens & early 20’s were things like “I want to work for myself”. I did. And it was hard. Really hard. I now realise that to make an income fit to support my lifestyle, I need a regular, permanent job. Or “I will life overseas one day”. I always had a romantic notion that I’d end up living somewhere in Europe or South America. I always had dreams of marrying a Spanish or Japanese-speaking man, preferably with long hair & who rarely wears shoes or shirts, someone who loves camping and surfing and worked just enough on his travel blog to make enough money to support our on-the-road van living.
Looking back on these outlandish statements, I realise that yes, I wanted that at the time, when I was young & carefree & didn’t want children and wasn’t considering how I’d fund my lifestyle. But now, I want what I have. Which is the complete opposite. A semi-detached house in Sydney, with a dog, and a husband who hates the outdoors but loves his job, me working in a mundane role close to home with great benefits & steady income, about to have children.
If you’d have told 23-year-old me this is how I’d end up, I would have cringed and said you were a big fat liar. But the older I get, the more I realise that actually, the ‘normal’ lifestyle is pretty darn great. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to go buying a Subaru & paint my picket fence white (yeah, we do have a picket fence…). But I’m learning that this ‘average’ lifestyle I was always rebelling against, is the norm for a reason.
When I was younger, I told myself I wouldn’t have kids just because it was ‘the next big step’. But isn’t that a good enough reason? There’s so much advice out there these days on how to be mindful, to stop thinking about the next step in life, the next promotion, the next life goal, whether that be cars, houses, marriage, babies, retirement, to stop and smell the roses for a minute and just enjoy life for now. But if we were to all live this way, without ambition and the desire to get to the next goal, wouldn’t we all just be going around in circles? Isn’t ‘the next step’ what stops us from spending our lives treading water in homeostasis?
Another outlandish statement I made to myself ‘I will never have kids because someone else wants me to. Or because its just the next step in life’. And that’s exactly what I’m doing. But the thing I wasn’t expecting at all, is that that’s what I WANT to do. I WANT to take that next step with my best friend. I WANT to see him as a father. I WANT to be challenged, have chaos & craziness in our lives.
So to 23-year-old me – Make all the outlandish statements you like. Just don’t hold me to them.